I had The Scariest Effing Dream!

I Mean, I haven’t had a nightmare like this in years!


Talking to some woman I apparently knew about some mundane bullshit, when she blurts, “Oh! And Josina called and said that she will be here for you.”

“Be here for me for what?” I ask.

“You know. When “it” happens”

“When what happens?”

“The thing that happened to her; Someone was there for her, now she will be here for you”

I apparently understood this to mean that something terrible was going to happen to Danielle and everyone knew about it and I somehow did not get the memo. I FREAK and run from the room to find Danielle and make sure she is ok. I find her and all is well. We are talking about our usual stupid shit, sorta Chip n’ Dale style, “No you are awesome!” “No, no really! YOU are so much more awesome!” “Oh no I insist! You are really amazing and awesome!” When, without skipping a beat, Dani climbs up on a desk and moves into a quasi Childs’ Pose (yoga) and sorta dissolves/disappears before my eyes!

I.

Loose.

My.

Shit.

I run around, screaming her name looking everywhere, realize that I cant find her or our cats!

Enter: Jackie Lee – an Evil, Soulless woman I used to work with. She made nails on a chalkboard seem like a spa treatment. I didn’t “hate” her, but she seriously made me stabby.

Jackie Lee comes in and starts looking through my stuff in my purse and accusing me of ‘doing-in’ Danielle. I start loosing my shit again and attack Jackie.

-- Let me just point out how TOTALLY stupid and hilarious the idea of me “attacking” Jackie Lee really is. To borrow from popular cartoons: Jackie Lee is a double? triple? Black Belt in some asian martial art, but I don’t know which one, basically the one that would kick my ass – she would be like Hong Kong Phooey; Where as I am much more like the hippo in the tutu from Fantasia. So, you can see, it really is kinda ridiculous.

So, Danielle is gone and I am being harangued by this harpy of a woman, accused of being responsible for the doing-in bits on the woman I dearly love, my cats are gone, I have attacked this woman who will soundly hand me my ass and I suddenly realize, “Hey! This is a Dream! I just need to wake up! Wake Up!” It isn’t working. I am running through these hallways which are beginning to look more and more institutional – like One Flew Over the Haunted Cuckoo’s Nest sort of “institutional” and I am screaming, “Wake-up, wake-up, wake-up” to no avail. And realize that they aren’t going to put me in prison, but in this creepy Nightmare on Elm Street: Dream Warriors hospital, only without the killer Dokken soundtrack or Laurence Fishburne to keep me safe.

So more running and freaking and running and freaking, I FINALLY wake up, only before my eyes are completely open I am yelling for Danielle; like I am a 5 year old screaming in the middle of the night for mommy. Luckily Danielle is here and able to calm me down. Because at 36 years of age I needed calming down.

Oh and this didn’t happen at 3 o’clock in the morning, but at 9:30 am when it is all bright and cheery.

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