‘The Reader’: Emotional Masturbation or Just General Douchebaggery?

Let me preface this opinion with the fact that I have not read the book, but only watched the film. The book could be better, so this is simply my feelings on the movie. Also, if you are interested in seeing The Reader, and haven’t yet, you may not want to read any further as I will TOTALLY give away the ending. And Darth Vader is Luke’s Father. Deal with it.

Danielle and I rented (or rather Netflix’ed? Netflixt?) ‘The Reader’. What a bunch of crap. Really.

Ok, ok, so the first half of the movie features Kate Winslet in varying levels of undress, which I TOTALLY appreciate – even if they spent a lot of time making her look anemic, downtrodden and 15 years older than she really is, I really appreciate nudity. Thank you Hollywood!

I think I rather liked Kate’s character Hanna. She was complex and flawed and desperately lonely. Spot on Kate! I think my gripes are all on Michael, the character portrayed by both Ralph Fiennes & David Kross. That effing asshole. Really.

It is mostly ok for this Michael guy to be a douche bag at age 19. That I accept. We were all assholes at 19. So while I accept it, that doesn’t mean it’s ok or understandable. So when he has BIG information that could exonerate Hannah from many of the charges she is facing in the Nazi trial thingy, (charges for which she could have been shot) he FULLY chicken Shits out. Fucking Man Up! I Mean … WTF?!? Why couldn’t he see her? Why did he turn back? What a fucking pussy! Why couldn’t he at the VERY least go to her representative (I say ‘representative’ because I can hardly call that man her ‘defense attorney’. Yet another douche bag) Michael could have told the attorney that she was illiterate. Doing so would have proved that she couldn’t have been the one who wrote the report. It was so obvious that the other women were blaming Hannah for the terrible acts they all perpetrated. Hannah admitted what she did while the others denied the acts. She also told the court they had all taken part in the actions; the other women were pist and wanted to get back at her and take more blame off of themselves.

She did admit to having written the report and I don’t really understand why she did this. Maybe she wanted to be punished. Maybe she knew that no one was really interested in finding the truth. I don’t know. But she may have changed her mind if she knew that someone cared, or that someone would stand up for her. Fucking asshole.

So, while the other women get less than 5 years for their participation in Nazi affairs, Hannah receives 20. Fucking awesome.

So now Michael is all growed up at like age 30. He starts reading books into a recorder and sending them to Hannah anonymously. She LOVES it, of course and eventually teaches herself to read and write with the help of the tapes. Eventually she starts sending him letters. He keeps the letters but never writes back to her. WHY?!? For the love of all that is good, WHY? Why won’t he write to her? He spends YEARS making effing tapes for her, but can’t spend 15 minutes to write her a letter? A quick note even? Give her comfort, anything?!? Asshole!

Before Hannah is released from prison, Michael works (under more that a little duress) to find her an apartment and a job. Well, that is very nice, in an, “I feel guilty for being such an asshat”, kind of way. BUT when he does FINALLY see her in prison, he doesn’t want to touch her. Like she has cooties! Her reluctantly touches her hand, but pulls away quickly, kinda oogied out. When leaving, she wanted to embrace him – probably the first embrace she would have had in 25 years! And he just could bring himself to do it. Asshole.

So THEN, big shocker, she fucking kills herself. Gee. I wonder why? Maybe because she is afraid, and alone, and the only connection she has made in the last 30 years is to this … this -- well fuck! I am out or derogatory names and am just repeating myself at this point – asshole.

Oh But Wait! There is More Douchebaggery To Come!

The God Damned Cake Topper!!!

Then this man-child FINALLY figures out that he has cut himself off to everyone his whole effed up, bull shit life and he wants to start a new and real relationship with his daughter. And how does Mr. Asshole set out on this new venture? By dragging her way the fuck out to the middle of no where, to show her Hannah’s grave – that he apparently got for her; which is an awesome bit of posthumous affection. A little late!! She’s DEAD! – and begins to tell his daughter the entire story of his love for the woman who showed him the pleasures of sex.

1) You didn’t love her you shit
2) Why would you tell your effing daughter about the woman who schooled you on the arts of love making … EWW!

I hated the movie. Or rather, I hated Michael. Hannah was tragic and well portrayed.

Fucking Asshole!! Gawd!